


Gingerbread House

by Aryllia



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Christmas Presents, Gen, Joker is stuck in Wayne Manor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28506384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryllia/pseuds/Aryllia
Summary: I've been sitting on this since 2016 and I still can't come up with a good start or end, but there are some decent middle bits here and I welcome anyone that wants them to cannibalize this fic and use whatever might be salvageable in other fics.Rated T because it's Joker's POV and he insisted on thinking of Gotham with a rude word.The original inspiration was chapter 5 of Dracze's excellent fic Halfway Across: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5795281/chapters/14736370
Kudos: 1





	Gingerbread House

Christmas was coming around again. They had missed the last one, and Joker had been just a little hurt until Pennyworth informed him that "master Bruce" essentially sucked at celebrating holidays. Should have seen that one coming.

Well, Joker was the master of celebration! He could teach the Bat. With a little help from Pennyworth. 

Step one would normally be cooking up a solid amount of explosives and happy gas. However, that would not go over well in Bat Manor, even Joker could see that. 

(hah, pat on the shoulder right there - this self restraint thing might work after all!)

So, Plan B. Hah, Plan Bruce. Gifts. The legitimate kind. Though Joker couldn't exactly waltz into a shopping district and yank whatever he wanted - and Bruce Wayne could legally purchase just about any junk he desired anyway. This conundrum would be mildly distressing if Joker wasn't the incredibly creative and resourceful man he was.

One week of flattery and good behaviour later and he had recruited Pennyworth as his henchman for the mission. Or at least henchman enough to procure a canvas, brushes, some paint and a secluded room where Brucie-boy was forbidden entry. 

Of course, Joker had absolutely no doubts that Pennyworth (standing steadfast at the door whenever Joker was working on the gift) was armed and relying all details that weren't specific to the gift to dear Brucie. The Bat in question was antsy enough about the whole thing as it was, which was endearing in its own way. 

Joker had quite missed the thrill of really making his stone-faced bat squirm and worry. It was a very subtle squirming, but gratifying to know that he could warrant the reaction without explicitly holding people hostage. 

Once the preparations were complete Joker mixed one gallon of what the Arkham inmates had long since agreed was Batman Blue. Time to put the art therapy to good use. 

First he painted hundreds of happy little bats, just as a warm-up. The therapists always liked that one. He painted over them as soon as they had dried and ignored Pennyworth's raised eyebrow. The rest of the day was spent picking out recipes with Pennyworth in the kitchen, Bruce hoovering around until the night called him out.

Next day he painted Gotham. Not photographically accurate, not by a long shot, but there were some streets, a park and five gallons of bona fide Crime Noir shadows.

He missed her a little, the dark brutal whore he'd shared Batman with. She was a bitch, their city, who could give as good as she got just like them. Though Bruce probably didn't see it quite like that.

  
The next day he got a Christmas card from the ever charming Dr Quinzel, with a thinly veiled offer to break him out and some well wishes from "all of us" which was quite certainly a lie. Still, it was sweet of her, and if his mail hadn't been so thoroughly screened he might even have taken her up on that offer if he had ever needed it. 

As it was, she'd make a lovely scapegoat the day this little gingerbread house turned stale.

  
That day he populated the streets and the park of the painting. Tiny little figures that may or may not resemble his fellow inmates. Former fellow inmates. A redhead with a needle-thin trail of green in her wake, a bony shit with a stupid hat trailing straw, an overdressed fat loser feeding pigeons - and so on. Joker may or may not have drawn inspiration from Nygmas damn Find Waldo mural. 

Blasted thing had taken Nygma more than a year to complete and allegedly contained a number of very public secrets - the therapists had _really_ loved that one. 

When he and Pennyworth emerged from the room Bruce had almost dozed off against the wall and startled awake. Joker banging the door wide open probably had something to do with that.

"Everything okay?" Bruce asked Pennyworth, as if that wasn't obvious from the fact that everyone was alive. 

"Perfectly fine under the circumstances, Master Bruce." 

Joker waltzed off around a corner so that they could gossip about him undisturbed.

  
That evening Alfred enforced a No Patrol Night, and Bruce probably fell asleep in front of a police radio while listening for an excuse to go anyway. Didn't matter, Joker had a Santa outfit to sew. Much as Bruce and Pennyworth tried their best with taking shifts and putting the manor under camera surveillance, they were still only human and prone to human faults.

Honestly, considering how little trouble Joker had to go through to get his hands on a small sewing kit and some red clothes, Quinzels charming offer wasn't warranted in the least. There were ten different ways that Joker could murder half the city without even leaving the manor. It was just a matter of waiting for inspiration or boredom to strike, and then he'd be back in the game in a flurry of unrestrained impulses and violence. And everything would be as it used to be.

Surely. Or close to it at least.There was the Bruce angle to account for now. He'd have to forget the Bruce part to really get back into the old feeling. Or shift into some new stage where harassing Bruce Wayne & Sons was just another way of grabbing Batman's attention. 

There was a small note tucked into the pocket of some red pants that heavily insinuated that Joker was being indulged. There was some games left to play in the manor, Gotham the Hussy could wait.

  
He had to move Freeze and his ice cream truck to make room for another skyscraper-roof right in the foreground (perspective pershmective). Two figures sitting on the very edge of the roof - pointing out over the streets. Behind them a ramrod figure holding a tray with a bucket of popcorn because Joker owed him for the paints.


End file.
